January 31st, 2011

I promise to take a break from my doing everything else, working, writing code for my startup idea with Heather Anne, setting up my next show, thinking up pithy silly things to tweet, connecting with people in real life, taiji practice, eating, getting sick, traveling, meditating, and so on, to write something new here, in my “blog”. Meanwhile go read Khaela’s blog. She’s been writing some good things. And Miranda July has finally finished her second film, The Future, which I am eagerly awaiting seeing sometime in the future, as I didn’t make the trek to Sundance this year.

I will write something really brief about my insanity tweet. I was realizing today just how deep the insanity goes; in everyone, all the seemingly normal people all around us, and ourselves. We are driven by these crazy impulses, deep neuroses, fears, distortions; we live in fantasy worlds of our own creation which we don’t even see as fantasies, or projections or paradigmatic blinders, but just as “the way things are”; we are pushed by hidden agendas so deep we feel them as external forces, like gravity, we can’t seem to escape, our friends look at us and shake their heads slowly because they don’t understand what makes us do certain things but even if we’re vaguely aware of our own insanity, we can’t seem to easily escape its apparently inexorable grip. It’s what makes love so (nearly) impossible, too: our mutual insanities rarely overlap in entirely pretty ways, and the ways in which they collide only barely can be overcome by love, attraction, and passion; only fitfully, often, just long enough to reproduce and sometimes not even enough for that. But… if we are aware of our own craziness, it’s enough to be able to wake up a little from it, because we can’t entirely escape any of these distortions and obsessions, but we can, without a doubt, be somewhat more awake within them, and from there find a larger space, a larger being-ness which gives us a much more vast context in which to play out our participation in and with the world. An awake-ness which can truly give us room in which we can be crazy, but less harmfully so, to both ourselves and others.

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